Ari and Lizzie

Hello everyone. Lizzie and I have managed to escape the clutches of my evil grandmother and we are holed up in an internet cafe, feverishly scribbling things to the outside world. Oh my god, Rockhampton is so provincial. I was going to say that anyway, but ironically, and then I was going to assure everyone that Rocky confounded my expectations and I've learned a valuable lesson and won't be so judgemental. But no, it's worse, it's so much worse than I thought it would be. Grandma is actually chaperoning us. Not only are we in separate bedrooms (natch) but we're not really allowed any private time. We have only just now managed to escape, making it about 36 hours since we've been allowed to have a natural conversation or hold hands. Lizzie had to write me a letter last night so we could have some semblance of a going to bed chat. And I know I should have expected this, but there are actual waves of disapproval coming from Grandma, and as she's guarding us all the time, it's constant headachey repression. I hate this, I resent this, and nae sympathy because what did I expect? We're going down as well as a gay in an Orthodox Catholic house. Oh wait...

Fuck I'm angry. The first bit of real predjudice and it has to come from my own grandmother? There's nothing special or out of the ordinary about this, it's just like every other boring gay story, but this isn't supposed to happen to me. Lizzie's miserable. She feels very unwelcome.

As for Rockhampton, it's very pretty. It's also full of packs of alchoholic aborigines, which is very sad.

Fuzzbum got over his reaction to Lizzie (which occurred when he tried to join in some really interesting petting and we had to chuck him out) and was just beginning to completely relax and be her friend when we cruelly left. I feel so utterly horrible whenever I leave him. So guilty. He is the coolest cat.

Lizzie is writing just now, so all is groovy. I would like to say some things to various people.

Georgie: You are looking very pretty today. I think you look nice with your hair down, and this is a phobia you must conquer. I miss you so much. I wish you were here so you could tell my grandma to pull herself together (a phrase which is particularly effective when you say it) and then we could all bugger off to the beach and smoke little cigarettes and get a bit drunk.

Naomi: I miss you and I miss Mark and you should get married immediately. And then you should come here for your honeymoon and we could all camp in Humphrey. I really liked living with you. Even though Sima is weird and screechy, sort of like Yoko Ono.

Charmaine: I miss you too. I hope you're looking after yourself, and I hope you've moved out by now. Get out, get out while you can! Please write and let me know how you are.

Sian: You rock. I miss you, and Lizzie really really misses you. Write and tell us comedy and ghost tour world gossip. Humphrey got cleaned by the nice people at customs! They were really nice about it, considering we were bringing all sorts of eco - sytem destroying stuff into the country. Top Traveller's Tip: Don't bother cleaning own tent, as you'll only miss bits anyway - wait until you're in the country and then declare dirty tent! This will also handily divert attention from fruit you've got smuggled in your bag.

Fliss and Kev: When I'm feeling scared in Grandma's house, I sing your spooky pub song, and it makes me feel better. I hope your rats and rabbits are fine. I hope Kev is fine too, even though he didn't know we were leaving for a year which indicates general indifference on his part, so big poos and I hope you get boils. (But not very big ones, and nowhere disfiguring or painful.)

Love to everyone else in the world, having started I can't have a paragraph for everyone, cause it's too hard. I do miss absolutely everyone in Edinburgh. We will have good adventures soon.

Ari.xxxxx