Let's talk about poo.

I have been on a diet lately in an effort to rid myself of my newly acquired beer gut, and to become tanned and enviable so that when I come home I can say 'ya, well, just come back from Australia you know, it's soo hot darling yew just have to go swimming, it's the only way, ha ha ha ha...'ect in annoying smug way. It is the entire purpose of my visit here. But it is being thwarted by living in the office and then eating badly in the club and getting no excercise and becoming addicted to alcohol in the meantime. So I have swapped beer for merlot and chips for soup and when I get hungry during the day I don't eat toast with lots of butter, I eat fruit and almonds. I am already feeling much better, but unfortunately, it has given me NUTTY POO! I can actually feel the nuts on their way out. I would chew them more carefully to begin with, but to be frank the only reason I eat them is because I am fucking starving, and unmindful of the chewing 30 times rule.

Does anyone have any helpful diet suggestions? I really want to bore the bejesus out of everyone when I come home with my fantastic fitness. Recipes for good things and handy hints would be just wonderful.

Love to all,
Ari.xxxx